a glimpse of 2016

What a trip these past two years have been. 

Somehow I have ended up in an entirely new life;

 happy, abundant, confident.

This space has always been, above all else, a scrapbook for myself, and in that spirit it seems fitting that I give some sort of account of the time that's passed. Looking back just a few posts is a time warp to 2015, when I was living in a tiny apartment and getting married to my long time boyfriend. While I certainly don't wish to recount every detail of the transition, there are moments worth remembering. 

my haven

I will remember 2016 as the year I broke all the rules, consequences be damned. It wasn't easy. I made a lot of mistakes. Shed a lot of tears. But I learned about myself; who I really am, who I want to be, who I'm not, and who I don't want to be. That's a lot to learn. I walked away from my marriage, we had a lot of love for each other, but in our decade together we had grown into different people and had some issues that couldn't be resolved. In April I moved into a big farmhouse with a girl I only knew through friends, which ended up being the perfect place at that moment in time, and I am eternally grateful for that haven and her company. The grass and woods and animals comforted me, healed my spirit. Still, I struggled with anxiety and depression, lost my job, and fought with friends and family. It was also the year I accidentally fell in love.

soaking up the sky

Throughout the transition I had one friend who became closer than the others. We had worked together, laughed and joked, discussed music and food, noticed the others strange anxiety induced twitches, spoke of honesty and relationships, ways of living, existing. We had a connection that developed naturally, slowly, and deeply. Ironically, or perhaps obviously, we were drawn to each other further by our similar situations at the time. We were both unhappy. We were both in unhealthy relationships, holding on for lack of the courage to make a change. Separately but simultaneously we found it. We had what has been dubbed an "emotional affair", which I think is fair and accurate, even if it stings a little bit. In July he moved into a cottage that shared a yard with the farmhouse. Our friendship continued to grow, as we both struggled to adjust to a new independent lifestyle. I could write volumes about that summer and fall, but time keeps moving forward, and so did we. In November, the night before Thanksgiving, we had our first date. And the rest is history, as they say.

piggins

A few other things that happened in 2016:

-For a moment we had a pig.

- My little sister had a precious baby boy, Connor.

- I moved back to my tiny apartment in October, reluctantly.

- I supported myself with odd jobs for three months.

A year of struggles. A year of change.

Until next time,

Angela Kelly

"I understood myself only after I destroyed myself,

and only in the process of fixing myself did I know who I really was."