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on death and loss and family and love.

the sun sets for you
a storm comes
I woke up last night thinking about death. This week has been challenging, an old boss and friend of mine passed away, taking his own life. I have struggled with depression my whole life. I know how it feels to be in that pit. Drowning. Hopeless. I watched my blood spill onto the floor countless times, wishing for the courage to just end it all; but I never did. Today I am thankful. I can look back on those times and know that it will be okay, it will get better, I will be happy again. But what if I hadn't? What if I couldn't hold on? What if the pain was too great? I am so grateful to my family and friends for helping me hold on through those dark times. I wish we could have saved him, too. 

The church was filled with people who knew him for the memorial. It was touching to see so many people come out, but also heartbreaking to see the lack of family. Parents passed, no children or siblings, only one uncle to be survived by. The service began with a reading from his mother, written when he was just a child. I simply cannot imagine life without my sisters, my mom and dad, grandmothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews. My life is so very very full, and I feel blessed to be surrounded by them.

Many are not so lucky.
I hope that anyone out there without a great family
can find strength in some amazing friends. 
I know that Mike did. 
His friends were everything,
 and they showed it by setting up such a wonderful memorial service 
and gathering together after in his memory. 

I hope you found your peace now.
The world won't be the same without you, though.

Until next time,

Angela Kelly

frozen geese to bring some cheer to this post 
farewell

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