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re-creation and reaching out

my checklist for this weekend is almost done, and i still have tomorrow!
 After a few days thinking it over, I'm currently working on setting up a new facebook page. I have one, which I enjoy, but have always been extremely picky about who I'm friends with. My rule of thumb (although there are a few exceptions) is that I have to really be friends with someone, hang out sometimes, actually like them. I use it to share my real life, my real feelings, and I need a space like that. I speak my mind, which is often uncensored. Want in on a little secret? I have a very filthy mouth. It's a problem. I know when to keep it clean, which I do with this space, anything farm related, at work, etc. But on my personal page, I say what I think and feel, in whatever spicy words come to mind. I like it that way.

This new page will be for reaching out in the community, as lame as that sounds. Starting a farm in a rural area, wanting to write more often, gain more readers, have a following to someday write that book I keep dreaming about... I need to be able to have a real, but professional, social media persona. I have to say, I've been very reluctant to have any high school friends on my page (growing farther from them all over years.) 

The truth is, I weeded them all out of my page over the years. I'm not very proud of the person I was at the end of high school and in the few years after. I was young, reckless, battling with depression, anxiety, and cutting more than anyone was aware, just a complete wreck. I started drinking a lot, and often. It's hard to put these words out there, I try so hard to hide it, push the past down inside me, but I was a skank ho for awhile there. It wasn't pretty, and I am not proud.

Thankfully, that girl is long gone. I've changed so much since then. My mind is stable, balanced. My life is beautiful, filled with love and light. I spent quite a few years hiding from my past, from these people. 

I guess it's about time I opened back up a little.
(but I can't say I'm not nervous about it.)

Until next time,

Angela Kelly

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